Sunday, 30 September 2012
I stare at the pile of discarded belongings and think of you. Did you touch that there? Does your scent still linger in that? A terrible emptiness settles into my chest and I realize that no matter how much I go about living, there are always small reminders that make the loss fresh again.
I can’t hide that the words hurt me. I can blame it on bad luck, cold weather, that my car just wouldn’t start, but in truth the tears are from words that won’t leave my head, even after you vacated my bed.
Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m going to make them alive. But I’m just a girl who's looking for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
But what if the problem isn’t forgetting the memories? What if it is remembering the memories as if they happened just second ago? What if I don’t want to remember?
She rolls her head toward me, and I can see the hope in her eyes. I want to tell her yes, but something deep inside me says: no, I don’t think it could ever be this way.
It’s as if some fog had been lifted, and I could see clearly for the first time since this all began. I will not be intimidated, not by them. Not by anyone.
Did I ever worry about anything at all? Living in my precious cocoon where no
trouble may intrude? I no longer remember that girl, I have become someone else,
and I am not quite sure who I am anymore.
Soon I am aware of him as
well. His secrets, his vanities, his fears. His life flits past my mind, a thick
ribbon unspooling. And I am the one who should like to look away, but I can’t.
I cannot answer. It is as if a cold, hard weight has been placed upon my chest.
Everyone thinks him such a great man. If only I wanted that and nothing deeper,
I should be happy. I want to hate him for everything. I want to, but I can’t
because he is all I have. And if I have to, I will make him understand.
He only glances at me, we don’t look at each other anymore. Not really. Not
since that night. When he looks at me, he sees what he would rather not
I wish there was something now I could say or do. I can resist anything but the
temptation from you, but I’d rather walk alone than chase you around, and I'd
rather fall myself than let you drag me on down.
It took a long time, but I suddenly realized that I
wasn't in love with you, but more the thought of you. I loved who i
thought you could be, not who you were.
Don't waste time on payback, getting even
will stop you from getting ahead
There are many things that we would throw
away if we were not afraid that others might pick them
up in smoke
where my money goes.
in my lungs
sometimes up my
when troubled times
begin to bother
I take a toke
and all my cares go up
she lies and says she's in love again, can't find
a better man.
leaning on the fence between past and present tense. And I'm losing all those
stupid games I swore I'd never play. But it almost feels okay.
I remember how
you tasted. I've had you so many times, let's face it
so lately i've been feeling lost, i've been feeling out of place. my mind is so confused my dear & i can't forget your face.
should have looked both ways before I crossed you, I guess I never thought I could have ever lost you.
afford to take trips so we get high to get away
Thursday, 23 February 2012
-Me and you, if we're honest we're not good for eachother. We're like one big tangled mess, we just keep hurting one another
-All I wanna do is smile, laugh and be worry free. Dont make that hard for me please.
-What I want from this is to learn to let go. No, not of you; Of all that's been told. Killers reinvent and believe, and this leans on me like a rootless tree. So fuck you, and all we've been through. I said leave it, it's nothing to you. And if you hate me, hate me so good that you just let me out. It's hell when you're around.
-Fight for me. I want you to beg me to stay and tell me how horrible you're doing without me. Show me you need me and want me in your life. That you'll do anything to make me stay. Show me that I'm the only girl for you, and no other girl compares. Chase after me. Don't let me give up, show me I'm making a big mistake by leaving. Show me how important I am to you. Don't just let me walk away...
-Sometimes the best way to move ahead is to admit you've had enough.
-If he was smart he would have realized who he was saying goodbye to.
-I know the truth now, I know who you are, and I don't love you anymore.
-There's a good reason why I'm keeping my distance.
-Nothing about us makes sense. But in my heart, it's the easiest thing to understand.
-Everything I did was to get away from being hurt. I moved away from the pain in the wrong direction, one step at atime until I was so far away I never knew how I got there.
-It's what you didn't say that told me I'd get hurt again.
-Do you ever think about me and how I'm doing? I mean what if I was dead or something? You wouldn't even know. You wouldn't even care.
-I'm going to leave it where it started. That way, at least I can pretend there was nothing in between.
-You can be in love and you can be in a relationship. But they’re not always the same thing.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Today Kyle (Boyfriend) and I went in for my 20 week ultrasound, we found out were having a boy :)
I really like the name Joshua Wade, Wade is Kyle's middle name and I love the name. But Kyle and I have to come to a final decision.
His little man parts, lol
:) over all view of the baby
He was flexing his little arm, it was cute :)
Friday, 29 July 2011
I’m stuck again. I’m in the same place where it feels like I’m in between four walls without an entrance and or an exit. I lie day and night in the middle staring up at the empty ceiling. The thoughts play out in front of me. I know I can fight this empty feeling that is creeping up on me, but I can’t find the strength to do so. I want someone, for a change, to save me. I want someone to notice and instead of asking, “Are you okay?” they would break through these walls and take me away. Save me.
Thursday, 30 June 2011
It's been a bad week. Venting through quotes. I hope you like :)
-If you think it hurts that bad, don’t talk about it, don’t let it get you down. It’s just one part of the story. Just let it go.
-You may be facing difficulties right now, but you should never forget that life does go on and it will always be better tomorrow.
-I’m not mad at you. I’m not ignoring you. I just want to see your efforts for me.
-It’s up to you now. I’m done trying to make this work. If you want me in your life, you’re going to have to find a way to put me there. I give up.
-Forever only lasts until the going gets rough.
-You always disappoint me. It's kinda like our inside joke, except it's not funny.
-Maybe one day we'll both turn back and fix it together. Until then I'm gone.
-Don't depend on next times and second chances.
-just when you've had enough, life gives you more. And just when you think it's rained enough, it starts to pour.
-You're way to young to believe that it's not going to be okay.
-Take the time to let it go.
-i'm done. i'm done revolving my life around someone
who doesn't care. if you ever need me, i'll be here.
but this time, you will come to me.
-I'm not going to spend my life chasing people. You want to leave? Fine then, go ahead. Because I'm done with chasing and caring for people who never had an interest in me. Nothing lasts and people change. I've learned love is hard and life isn't what you want it to be.
-I could forgive you & forget everything that happened. But that wouldn't make it any better. We'll never be able to go back to the way it used to be. You had the world in your hands, but instead you threw it away. So don't expect me to feel sorry for something that was your own fault
-I need someone who can keep up with me
someone whose going to push me
someone who will tell me I'm not always right
and that sometimes I need to apologize.
I need someone whose going to set me straight
because nobody cared enough about me to do that
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
No, it’s not ”whatever.” We have a relationship worth fighting for, and I’m not going to let this go. Even though we’ve fought maybe more than we’ve laughed lately, I can’t just give up on this. I can’t pretend like you never made a difference in my life. I’ll fight for this if you will.
-I been holding on to a love gone wrong, it's true, for too long. The hurt it left inside has made me wanna hide too much, & I do. I'm not afraid to be alone; the truth is I'm alright, but something has been missing from my life.
-I don't know. I don't want it to be like this. I hate the way you've made me feel and I'm sick of pretending that it doesn't hurt me. Because it really does.
-I try to forget you. I mean I've deleted the
what seemed to be "amazing" conversations we
had, and the pictures of you that I once could not
stop staring at. I have even deleted your phone numbers
from my phone. But, no matter how hard I try to permently
delete you, from my life, I just can't.
-I don't understand, but I won't bother pretending that I do, because that was all in the past; and try as I may, you have a hole in you I can't fix. Try as I may, you are the broken parts I can't piece back together again. So no, I cannot erase your past and make you believe again. But I can be here, for the present and the future; and maybe, just maybe, reignite that spark in you.
-Two persons will not be together for so long, if they cannot forgive each other's little failures
-I decided that enough is enough. That since you obviously don’t care about me anymore, I am going to just move on. Easier said then done I suppose, because at the end of the day I’m staring out the window with these tears on my cheeks. Look what you’ve done to me.
-Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore.
-We run back to each other when it's convenient. We
know that in the end, we're meant for each other,
but not right now. So we play games, act like we're
okay when one of us has someone else. When in
reality, it tears us apart to know that we can be happy
with someone else. But it's that slight hope that we
will end up together that always keeps us running back.
-I’ve been wrapping one night stands around my body like wedding bands, but none of them fit in the morning. They just slip off my fingers, slip out the door.And all that lingers is the scent of you.
-I want to be free of you. The way you, obviously, are free of me.
~The Count of Monte Cristo
Tuesday, 03 May 2011
Three years down the drain. Two weeks before I graduate my boyfriend of three years decides to break up with me because I am too big of a bitch. I am not a very happy camper. I will update with some new pictures soon guys :)
P.S: Can you guys tell me how to fix the layout thing of my blog and how to get and put up a new layout?